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11th September 2013: The world's gone mad and I'm the only one who knows
13th August 2013: Black is white. Fact. End of.
11th August 2013: Electric cars, not as green as they're painted?
18th June 2013: Wrinklies unite, you have nothing to lose but your walking frames!
17th May 2013: Some actual FACTS about climate change (for a change) from actual scientists ...
10th May 2013: An article about that poison gas, carbon dioxide, and other scientific facts (not) ...
10th May 2013: We need to see past the sex and look at the crimes: is justice being served?
8th May 2013: So, who would you trust to treat your haemorrhoids, Theresa May?
8th May 2013: Why should citizens in the 21st Century fear the law so much?
30th April 2013: What the GOS says today, the rest of the world realises tomorrow ...
30th April 2013: You couldn't make it up, could you? Luckily you don't need to ...
29th April 2013: a vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE, because THE ABOVE are crap ...
28th April 2013: what goes around, comes around?
19th April 2013: everyone's a victim these days ...
10th April 2013: Thatcher is dead; long live Thatcher!
8th April 2013: Poor people are such a nuisance. Just give them loads of money and they'll go away ...
26th March 2013: Censorship is alive and well and coming for you ...
25th March 2013: Just do your job properly, is that too much to ask?
25th March 2013: So, what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
20th March 2013: Feminists - puritans, hypocrites or just plain stupid?
18th March 2013: How Nazi Germany paved the way for modern governance?
13th March 2013: Time we all grew up and lived in the real world ...
12th March 2013: Hindenburg crash mystery solved? - don't you believe it!
6th March 2013: Is this the real GOS?
5th March 2013: All that's wrong with taxes
25th February 2013: The self-seeking MP who is trying to bring Britain down ...
24th February 2013: Why can't newspapers just tell the truth?
22nd February 2013: Trial by jury - a radical proposal
13th February 2013: A little verse for two very old people ...
6th February 2013: It's not us after all, it's worms
6th February 2013: Now here's a powerful argument FOR gay marriage ...
4th February 2013: There's no such thing as equality because we're not all the same ...
28th January 2013: Global Warming isn't over - IT'S HIDING!
25th January 2013: Global Warmers: mad, bad and dangerous to know ...
25th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
19th January 2013: We STILL haven't got our heads straight about gays ...
16th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
11th January 2013: What it's like being English ...
7th January 2013: Bleat, bleat, if it saves the life of just one child ...
7th January 2013: How best to put it? 'Up yours, Argentina'?
7th January 2013: Chucking even more of other people's money around ...
6th January 2013: Chucking other people's money around ...
30th December 2012: The BBC is just crap, basically ...
30th December 2012: We mourn the passing of a genuine Grumpy Old Sod ...
30th December 2012: How an official body sets out to ruin Christmas ...
16th December 2012: Why should we pardon Alan Turing when he did nothing wrong?
15th December 2012: When will social workers face up to their REAL responsibility?
15th December 2012: Unfair trading by a firm in Bognor Regis ...
14th December 2012: Now the company that sells your data is pretending to act as watchdog ...
7th December 2012: There's a war between cars and bikes, apparently, and  most of us never noticed!
26th November 2012: The bottom line - social workers are just plain stupid ...
20th November 2012: So, David Eyke was right all along, then?
15th November 2012: MPs don't mind dishing it out, but when it's them in the firing line ...
14th November 2012: The BBC has a policy, it seems, about which truths it wants to tell ...
12th November 2012: Big Brother, coming to a school near you ...
9th November 2012: Yet another celebrity who thinks, like Jimmy Saville, that he can behave just as he likes because he's famous ...
5th November 2012: Whose roads are they, anyway? After all, we paid for them ...
7th May 2012: How politicians could end droughts at a stroke if they chose ...
6th May 2012: The BBC, still determined to keep us in a fog of ignorance ...
2nd May 2012: A sense of proportion lacking?
24th April 2012: Told you so, told you so, told you so ...
15th April 2012: Aah, sweet ickle polar bears in danger, aah ...
15th April 2012: An open letter to Anglian Water ...
30th March 2012: Now they want to cure us if we don't believe their lies ...
28th February 2012: Just how useful is a degree? Not very.
27th February 2012: ... so many ways to die ...
15th February 2012: DO go to Jamaica because you definitely WON'T get murdered with a machete. Ms Fox says so ...
31st January 2012: We don't make anything any more
27th January 2012: There's always a word for it, they say, and if there isn't we'll invent one
26th January 2012: Literary criticism on GOS? How posh!
12th December 2011: Plain speaking by a scientist about the global warming fraud
9th December 2011: Who trusts scientists? Apart from the BBC, of course?
7th December 2011: All in all, not a good week for British justice ...
9th November 2011: Well what d'you know, the law really IS a bit of an ass ...

 

 
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Our latest Wanker of the Week is Anne Snelgrove, the tiny Labour MP for Swindon South who was recently described on a Swindon residents' website as "totally ineffective". Mind you, she's not completely useless. She was recently named "MP of the Year" by the Kennel Club, which must presumably be like winning Best of Breed at Cruft's. We're not sure which breed she is, though. Dandy Dinmont, perhaps? Answers on a postcard, please.
 

Anne Snelgrove, Best of Breed

 
There's been a lot of understandably gleeful press coverage of Swindon Council's decision to reconsider its membership of the local Speed Camera Partnership, on the grounds that speed cameras are just a cash cow to milk the public if you'll excuse the rather mixed-up metaphor. The recent change of financial arrangements so that the government now keeps all the fines might have something to do with it - it means that Swindon pays £400,000 a year as its contribution to the upkeep of 16 fixed speed cameras, three red-light cameras, eight mobile vans and three motorcycles across Wiltshire, yet they don't receive a penny of the profits, so in effect the cameras are not only raising taxes from motorists but from local councils as well. The council would prefer to spend this money on sleeping policemen, improved road cambers, vehicle-activated warning signs and other improvements to Swindon roads.
 
While we applaud Swindon's sensible approach, wish them well, and hope that many other local authorities will follow suit, our interest is in the reaction from Swindon MP Anne, because she has accused council leaders of playing 'politics with lives' and has begun handing out leaflets with the slogan, "Hands off Our Speed Cameras'.
 
Instead of praising the council's determination to do their job properly and make sensible, thoughtful decisions about how road-safety money should be spent for the benefit of local residents, she simply parrots the government line "People's lives should not be put at risk by withdrawing from the scheme".
 
A spokesman for the Department of Transport said the funding decision was a local matter for Swindon, but added: "Safety cameras are there to save lives not to make money. There are 1,475 fewer deaths and serious injuries at camera sites each year. The Government is clear that the best safety camera is the one that takes no fines at all but succeeds in deterring drivers from speeding." This is a pretty odd statement considering the government's own figures show that 95% of accidents have nothing to do with speeding. It was revealed in 2006 that from the start of the previous year all road traffic accidents had their contributory factors recorded by the police. This allowed the Department for Transport for the first time to compile comprehensive data on the causes of accidents. The results showed that 5% of all accidents are attributed to exceeding the speed limit. In our innocence we might have thought that Swindon's desire to address the causes of the other 95% was very praiseworthy, but evidently we lack the keen acumen and penetrating insight of Ann Snelgrove MP.
 
The same report revealed that speed cameras were totally ineffective at preventing the vast majority of accidents. Considering only accidents to cars, exceeding the speed limit was attributed to just 3% of accidents - 97% of car crashes had nothing to do with breaking the speed limit. The report prompted campaigners to ask why, when 2 million motorists are prosecuted for speeding each year, the total number of fatalities on the roads in 2005 decreased by only 1%.
 
Strangely, another factor influencing road deaths never received much publicity. Home Office minister Hazel Blears revealed in 2003-2004 while 4% of all deaths were caused by the public exceeding the speed limit, nearly 1% of all deaths involved a police vehicle. Perhaps the speed cameras are pointing at the wrong people?
 
In some places the situation is even worse, and even more obvious: in 2005 the Scottish Executive announced that despite a 61% increase in fines for speeding, road deaths in Scotland during the same period had jumped by 9%.
 
Accidents on motorways, the fastest of all road types, account for just 4% of accidents, which suggests that travelling at higher speeds is not in itself dangerous. It means that roads engineered to take faster moving traffic have an excellent safety record. Perhaps the answer to reducing accidents can be found in better road engineering on other types of roads - and isn't that just what Swindon Council are taking on board?
 
In that same year, 2005, the number of deaths caused by drunk drivers was at its highest for 12 years. Official figures showed that 590 people were killed as a result of drivers over the legal limit. The number had increased steadily since 1998 which is roughly when speed cameras started to mushroom. But of course cameras aren't too good at picking out inebriated drivers, so the profit to be made from drunks is hardly worth pursuing.
 
In a study funded by the Government's Engineering and Physical Science Research Council and published in the journal Accident Analysis and Prevention, experts from Liverpool University's civil engineering department said after studying 150 accident black spots that speed cameras had no effect in reducing serious crashes in built-up areas. Dr.Linda Mountain said "It was a surprise, I had expected to find some reduction."
 
She also said that the value of speed cameras had been "exaggerated". Speed humps and similar devices had a significant impact, but cameras didn't. She pointed out that the policy of installing cameras only on streets where there had been a spate of accidents could skew the results to make them seem more effective. The high accidents rates at these locations could be unusual statistical peaks meaning that the accident rate would fall naturally over time, even if no action was taken.
 
That probably explains why so many Scamera Partnerships have installed cameras where there is no history of accidents but where they are likely to generate a substantial cash-flow. It's always nice to see public servants taking notice of expert opinion.
 
So all in all, Ann Snelgrove, you're being a bit of a Wanker, aren't you? Shouldn't you have had a closer look at the facts before leaping to the defence of the Yellow Peril? "Hands off our Speed Cameras" isn't likely to be a very popular campaign, is it?
 
But perhaps it's all a bit difficult for you. I expect you'd rather get the nice man at the Kennel Club to take you walkies.
 

 
The GOS says: The top contributory factors for accidents in 2005 were:
 
Failed to look properly: 32%
Bad behaviour or inexperience: 25%
Misjudged other drivers speed/path: 18%
Poor turn/manoeuvre: 15%
Going too fast for conditions: 12% (doesn't necessarily mean exceeding the limit - GOS)
Loss of control: 14%
Vision affected: 10%
Slippery road: 10%
Following too close: 7%
Sudden braking: 7%
Disobeyed traffic signal or stop sign: 6%
Impaired by alcohol: 5%
Exceeding speed limit: 5%
Road layout: 3%
Vehicle defects: 2%
 
Please don't write in and point out that this list totals more than 100% - obviously more than one factor can apply to a single accident, for instance one might have lost control while one's judgement was impaired by alcohol. But I expect you'd already worked that out.
 
There's an excellent 2007 article about why speed cameras don't save lives here. It includes a devastating quote from a spokesman for the government's Transport Research Laboratory. When asked to investigate why road deaths were not falling as expected, the spokesman said "some drivers must be getting worse".
 
Isn't it nice to know that one's welfare on the roads is in the hands of such deep thinkers? I wonder how much he earns?
 
Ann Snelgrove earns £61,820, which is roughly three times what The GOS gets. Hmm … interesting question … is Anne Snelgrove three times more useful than The GOS? I don't think so. At least The GOS can take himself for walks.

 

 

 

 
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